Conjunction Conjecture: How Small Words Shape Big Conversations
Conjunctions—those little connectors like and, but, or, because, even though—are often overlooked in conversations. Yet, they have a subtle power to shape the questions we ask and the answers we receive.
Think about it:
“Do you like this idea?” → A simple yes or no.
“Do you like this idea, or do you see a problem with it?” → Suddenly, you’ve opened a door for exploration.
A single word can change a question from closed to open, from limiting to empowering. Let’s break it down.
And vs. Or: Questions That Expand or Focus
When you use and, you’re inviting multiple perspectives, encouraging people to share more than one thought. It opens the question.
- “What do you like about the project, and what could be improved?”
Here, you’re saying: I want the good and the challenges—both matter.
Now look at or. It focuses the question, forcing clarity but narrowing the conversation:
- “Is this working, or is it causing issues?”
This type of question helps people choose or identify a specific path.
Both words have their place. And is for when you want depth and nuance. Or is for when you need focus or decisions.
Try This:
- Instead of “Do you have any feedback?”, ask “What’s working well, and what could be better?”
- Instead of “Is this clear?”, ask “Does this make sense, or do you need more context?”
See the difference? You’re guiding people toward answers that are richer and more actionable.
But vs. And: Questions That Shift Tone
The word but is a pivot point. It flips a conversation, often negating what came before it. Consider this:
- “You did a great job on this, but the deadline was missed.”
No matter how positive the first part is, the but makes it feel like the praise didn’t matter. Now try swapping it out:
- “You did a great job on this, and we’ll need to work on hitting the next deadline.”
See how and keeps things constructive? Both parts of the statement are true, and neither is dismissed.
In questions, the same principle applies. Compare these:
- “What did you enjoy about this, but where did you struggle?” → It feels like one outweighs the other.
- “What did you enjoy about this, and where did you struggle?” → Both are invited equally.
Try This:
- Instead of “This worked, but what went wrong?”, ask “This worked, and where do you think we can improve?”
The conversation shifts from criticism to collaboration, and the answers become more open and honest.
Because: Questions That Invite Depth
Adding because is like handing someone a shovel—it prompts them to dig deeper. Instead of just answering what, they start answering why.
Take this example:
- “Do you like this design?” → You might get a simple yes or no.
- “Do you like this design, because it solves the problem effectively?” → Now they’re thinking about the reasoning behind their opinion.
The word because signals that you’re curious about more than the surface answer. You’re asking for the thought process, the details, the why that makes their response matter.
Try This:
- Instead of “Was the event helpful?”, ask “Was the event helpful, because it gave you new insights?”
- Instead of “Is this your preferred solution?”, ask “Is this your preferred solution, because it’s the most efficient?”
People tend to respond thoughtfully when because is involved—it creates space for deeper reasoning.
Even Though: Questions That Allow Nuance
Life isn’t black and white, and neither are our experiences. Words like even though make space for complexity.
- “What worked well for you, even though there were challenges?”
Here, you’re acknowledging that good and bad can coexist. You’re encouraging people to share the full picture.
Compare that to asking, “What worked well, and what didn’t?” It’s still a valid question, but it divides things into neat categories. Sometimes, that’s not how things work.
Try This:
- Instead of “Did you enjoy the process?”, ask “What did you enjoy, even though parts of it were challenging?”
- Instead of “Was the presentation successful?”, ask “How did the presentation go, even though we had some technical hiccups?”
These kinds of questions show empathy. They remind people that complexity is okay—and often where the best answers live.
Why the Small Words Matter
It’s easy to overlook conjunctions when we’re asking questions, but they’re doing more than we think. They shape tone, intent, and the answers we receive.
- And opens the door.
- Or focuses the path.
- But can shut things down, while and keeps them moving.
- Because digs deeper.
- Even though makes space for nuance.
When we’re intentional with these small words, the conversations we have become richer, more thoughtful, and more connected.
Try It Out
Here’s a challenge: the next time you ask a question, pause and think about the conjunction you’re using. What happens if you swap a but for an and? Add a because? Or invite a little nuance with even though?
Language shapes the way we think and interact. Even the smallest words can make a big difference—if we let them.